so, the other day i was randomly attacked by someone from my past that i can only describe as a ghost of a cave-dwelling bat fart. it's really sad too, because when i say "past", i mean that i haven't had contact with this person in 5 years or so.

anyhow, it got me to thinking how much i've changed in those 5 years. in all honesty, most of that change has come just since i moved to sarasota from clearwater, but there have surely been little bits along the way. most recently, and i'm talking just within the last two months, i've had a pleasant change in attitude. i think it's mostly to do with having a job where i can see real results from my work. while i always have something to do, it doesn't feel like the never-ending pile-up of banality that some of my previous jobs were.

don't get me wrong, it's not like i'm gonna find christ, formulate a 5-year plan, or join the peace corp, or some shit. not that those are pointless exercises (well, the last two out of the three ain't bad...), mind you. i'm just starting to find a brighter outlook on the day-to-day shenanigans we call life. people still seem absurd and obtuse to me, but now i'm like "whatever", where up until recently i would have been cursing a bloody pox on them and their offspring. water off a duck's ass, man.

i think, perhaps subconsciously, i gained a bit of self-awareness out of a quote i heard from george carlin in an old radio interview that i listened to about a week before he died. he said, and i'm paraphrasing here, "beneath the surface of every cynic is a scarred optimist", and that really articulated a feeling i've had for quite some time now. it kind of got me past the point of wanting to be enigmatic and impossible, and become more of an accesible, identifiable person.

it's easier, and more emotionally rewarding, so far. so, that's what i get for opening up a little.